Personal Entries #11

So, I'm not in the best mood. It's 10:44pm, and I'm not sleepy or tired. I'm not even ready to go to bed. My mind is in total turmoil again. I'm supposed to be okay, but for some odd reason, I can't snap out of this. It's not that I'm depressed or anything... maybe it is? But my emotions are taking over which is causing my mind to think too much. Is this over-thinking and worrying and all that wrapped in one? I don't know anymore. Right now, my mind is completely ruined with all these thoughts and I can't snap out of it. I talked to a friend already, but nothing, I can't snap out of this. This is when I need a shit load of power to fight this kind of shit. /sigh. Just go away.

I said there are a million things rushing in my head right now and I'm getting scared, nervous, and anxious. I think I'm going through some silent anxiety attack. The worst kind for me. Oh, nothing I can't fight... I just hate these moments. It's annoying as fuck and I can't fucking snap out of it. These are the times I feel completely dead to the world, but I put on a fake smile just so people don't wonder what the hell is going on in my head.

I want so many things right now... I can't even think about it anymore because the more I think about them, the more it makes me sad. The more I get anxious and this feeling doesn't go away. There are bigger things in life right? I want those specific things already. I've been waiting for so long... I need to reach them already. I can't do this anymore... I want something to happen very soon. My heart can't take THIS particular agonizing pain because fuck, it fucks with my head. I come up with all these situations and scenarios in my head... and then, bam, I lose complete control of myself. Ugh. I hate my mind when it comes to these things. I don't know what to do anymore. Actually, I do. I think I do. Keep moving... Right now, that's all I could do. I just... /sigh. I don't know. I want to sleep forever. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.