Confessions #1

I'm sorry that I'm madly in love with you and I really suck at trying to keep it down... Sometimes, love drives you crazy and makes you do things to the extreme. That happens to me a lot, so I apologize for those moments in our relationship. I'm sorry that I'm a jealous fucker when it comes to your ex-boyfriend... I admit there is so much pressure on my end. I'm placing these so called 'pressures' on myself because I want to the best goddamn boyfriend to you. I want to be the only guy who makes your world go nuts. I want to be the only guy that makes your heart beat faster. I'm not going to be some psycho boyfriend who gets jealous whenever you hang out with guys and stuff. You already know I'm not like that... but I hope you know that I love you too much. So all the arguments, lame fights, and stupid misunderstandings that we have come from the mere fact that I love you too much. I get sensitive over you because I don't want us to lose each other.

I do get jealous. so goddamn jealous when you hang out with him... It's so unreasonable and stupid. I KNOW... i really know.... and whenever I feel jealous... I feel like a complete fool afterwards because I know i'm just being delusional. Oh, I trust you completely. I just can't help thinking that there could be a possibility of you wanting to go back to him. Why? Because I know he's not a bad guy. I know that he's what every girl wants. I know that he's nice and understanding and thoughtful. I know that he wouldn't do anything to hurt you or anyone. I know that he did do his best into keeping your relationship alive. He's so nice that he agreed to let you go because you weren't happy... Guys like that are hard to find. I'm not even like that! I'm so far from that kind of guy and all I can give you right now... is my undying love. I know that you and him are good friends... but I can't help feel jealous because... he gets to spend time with you. He gets to make you laugh. He gets to see you laugh. He gets to give you high-fives. He gets to pay for your food when you go out. He can call you up and you could just hang out somewhere and talk about anything and everything. He can hold you and touch you. He look into your eyes and tell you stuff. He can take you home when it's late at night. He can pick you up from your house and take you to wherever you want to go. You can watch movies together. You've been to each other's houses. Your parents know his existence. Your friends know his existence. He's there when you need him and if you're feeling sad, he can just make you laugh. You and him have so many inside jokes and memories that I can't (at the moment) compete with. I get so damn fucking jealous... Sometimes, I admit, it does eat me up a little bit. I want to risk my health and life just to see you. Just so I could be everything he was to you before. I try so hard to prove to you how much I love you. I try to spend as much time with you because I want memories with you... like what you have with him. I want to know you like he does... fuck... i want to know you like he does... I want to know that side of you that you can't seem to show me. fuck... I just want to be everything to you... so fucking badly.

I love you too much and I know it's still going to grow. I'm sorry for being a sensitive, over thinking, emotional bastard. This is the first time a person has ever fought for me to stay forever. This is the mature relationship i've always wanted. This is the feeling I've been craving for since I learned what love was all about. This is what I want... and i'm learning. I'm still learning how to keep you with me and how to be the best goddamn boyfriend in the world. When I tell you that I would give the whole world to you... I meant that... in it's deepest, most sensitive meaning. This is what every person in the whole world wants to feel and see. We have it, baby. We really do and we're going to be make mistakes... we're going to hurt each other sometimes... but it takes two great minds like ours to figure things out and not forget how much we love and care for each other. We need to remember that day we first said I love you or the first time we even thought of kissing each other. All the way til' today... when we repeatedly fall in love with each other with the little and big things that we do.

I love you. I hope you know that.